Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
