He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
