Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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