I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
