I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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