I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
