i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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