and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
