At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
