In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
