she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed