i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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