I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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