i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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