I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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