So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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