sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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