I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
