I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
