If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
