im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
