6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
