There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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