I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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