Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
