the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
