if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We are two peas in an std pod
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
