I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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