oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
