Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
