This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
