no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
