I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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