I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
