the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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