I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
