u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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