so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
