I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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