He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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