Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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