i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
