please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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