I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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