Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
