Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
