why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize