you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
