his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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