Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
