Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
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The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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