Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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