I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
