Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
