Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
