She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
