Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
