You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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