With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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