yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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