he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
