I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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