yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
