you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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