sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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