this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Barsexuality is the new black.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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