I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
