Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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