could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
