come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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