Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
