I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
