If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want to make out with him forever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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