Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"