bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle