Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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