K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
