I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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