My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
