so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
