hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
