I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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