My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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