I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
