so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
